


Would You Be So Kind?

by constitutinlcon



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Catfish AU, Depersonalization, Depression, M/M, alex is an attention whore as always, because i push my problems onto characters lmao, descriptions of:, here we go boys, hes very desperate lol, this is gonna be a short fic boys, thomas talks to girls online bc he has The Anxieties(tm)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 02:39:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11682324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constitutinlcon/pseuds/constitutinlcon
Summary: Alexander Hamilton is utterly done, and finished with hoping he will feel anything ever again.That was until Thomas Jefferson walked into his life, and onto Allie Hamel's dating profile.The more that Alexander talks to Jefferson through an alias, the more he realizes that he's falling more and more for him.Fuck.





	Would You Be So Kind?

Alexander Hamilton. It was such a boring name, he thought. Nothing special. Not excessively ordinary, yet not anything that caught ones eye. It was nothing. That's who everything seemed to feel lately. The highs and lows of his life are now just replaced by one flat line. Nothing brought him sadness, nor joy. Nothing felt real. When he looks in the distance, it all seems like a painted mural - the skyline of New York City used to fill him with so much ... Emotion. Now I just feels as if he's devoid of anything. Like somebody ripped out everything that made him him, like it had been taken away from him. It made him so angry; at least, as angry as he could be. Right now, he just felt like a shell of a human, and everything felt like a dream. Like a nightmare. As if he's watching himself in a movie, and nothing he does is really happening. Sometimes he looks back on his memories of friends, of family, of relationships and it feels almost as if none of it really happened. Because everything is nothing. Nothingness is everything. But as of right now, he had to pretend like it was real, at least for the beginning of his Sophomore year at Columbia.

He had felt like this for over a year now, Alexander had realized, since the finals of his Senior year of high school, assuming anything in the past year even happened, or if it's one sick joke the god he doesn't believe in is playing on him. He's been living alone and feeling alone for his Freshman year at Columbia, the longest stretch of time he's ever felt stable physically. He had scholarships to pay for his tuition, he had no snotty roommate to ruin his time, and he had even made a few friends (at least, people who pretend to like him). Theoretically, he has everything going for him, but his body is too heavy and breathing has become but another chore.

It first terrified Elizabeth Schuyler, his first friend, his first love. They had met Freshman year in high school, and Alexander was the most passionate, driven person she had ever met. From the way even the smallest comment could light a fire in him, to the soft and gently way he spoke of her. They loved, they lost. Alexander had met some Maria Reynolds at homecoming that year, and the rest was history. As college approached, Elizabeth had decided to reconnect with Alexander; she decided it was time to stop wasting her life on tears. When she met up with him for lunch during the summer of Senior year, she was mortified to find nothing inside the shell of Alexander Hamilton's once fervent body. Nothing seemed to excite him like it once did, or anger him, or upset him. It was a constant depressive mood. Not sad, not anything. He was just there. He barely talked, either. Alexander "I can't shut my fucking mouth to save my own life" Hamilton had nothing to say, and maybe it was because he felt it wasn't important. Maybe he just felt nothing was important.  
News in their group of high school friends had grown quick of Alexander's affliction, and nothing sparked inside of him seemingly, no matter what they did. He would go out for drinks with Lafayette and John, he would shop with Hercules, even Angelica would scream at him in frustration, and nothing happened. Maybe the occasional fake laugh here and there, but nothing of significance. The most frusterating part, they all agreed, was that Alexander didn't care. They talked to him about it, they had a professional talk to him about it, but it was as if he didn't want to get better. Maybe he didn't care enough to. Maybe he didn't think he mattered enough. Maybe he just doesn't think that anything matters.

Nothing mattered to Alexander Hamilton until Thomas Jefferson and his stupid girlfriend Sally Hemings came along. Because at least it made Alexander feel something, and that was loathing. Unadulterated loathing. For everything Thomas Jefferson had. A great love life, a great mind, a great best friend, and a great body. Great, no, amazing everything. And Alexander would admit only to himself he was jealous. Anybody would be, even the other rich boys in Columbia. Alexander thought the whole high school popularity status thing would leave in college, but Thomas Jefferson proved his hypothesis to be incorrect (and Alexander curses the scientific method for it).

Sure, Thomas Jefferson had everything. Maybe thats why he was the first person to make Alexander feel anything, going from nothing mattering to only Thomas Jefferson mattering, verging on obsession. Alexander was one to always hate, it's no wonder that it was the one emotion engulfing his whole body when the devil himself spoke to Alexander for the first time.

In Alexander's defense, he was in a rush and having an awful hangover, and if anybody tells you different they're telling the story wrong. God knows Thomas made this a story. He didn't exactly know what happened, but Alexaner is pretty sure that Thomas Jefferson bumped into him first. He was the one not looking where he was going. But honestly, who did what didn't really matter, because all that really mattered was that Alexander Hamilton bumped into Thomas Jefferson and fell.

"I'm sorry, I should've watched where I was going," Was the first thing that Thomas Jefferson said to Alexander, and disturbingly, it was all it took to become absolutely smitten.

Wait.

Absolutely smitten? Who was Alexander kidding. There was no way even an ounce of Alexander Hamilton was into Thomas Jefferson. Ew. Gross. After having realized that he was just staring at Jefferson and said man's outreached hand to help him up, Alexander began to sputter like a dying putt-putt.

"Sorry, sorry," He shakily took Thomas' hand, as if it was going to hit him any second, getting pulled up only to realize that he was not that big in comparison, "That was completely my fault. I'm so, so sorry. Thank you, I should've watched where I was going I was such an idiot I'm so sorry," He bagan to ramble, only to be silenced by a very quick whisper in his ear.

"If you ever touch me with your dirty immigrant hands ever again, I will lynch you in front of our entire school you moronic cretin."

Jesus fucking Christ.

Alexander didn't feel the tears prick in his eyes, and he didn't feel awful, and he didn't want to vomit, and he didn't walk away as quick as possible so that Thomas Jefferson didn't see him so infuriated and upset, and he definitely didn't go to his dorm to scream and punch a few pillows. Definitely not. However, amazingly enough, he felt. He felt. Awful, mistreated and angry albeit, but he felt.

So, yeah, Alexander craves the pain from Thomas Jefferson's constant berrading of his character. He could admit that he feels a pang of desperation for the degrading words that the Virginian uses to describe him. He awaits being called a sack of shit, not worthy of tax payer's dollars for his scholarships. At the same time, Alexander resented him and grasped at straws for any ammunition to shoot back with. He had nothing, though.

Nothing until today.

Alexander has a little game he likes to play, and nobody knows about it but him and Elizabeth Schuyler. He likes to call it Allie Hamel. Where he dicks around on dating websites, pretending to be one "Allie Hamel" by using pictures that Eliza sends him, so nobody could reverse search them. Max and Nev be damned, he refused to call himself a catfish, even though that's exactly what he was doing. However, unlike most catfishes, he's not doing it for anything other than a laugh. That's what he tells Eliza, anyways. He knows why he likes to do it, and it's only partially because it's funny.

It's because he adores the attention. Eliza is gorgeous, so no wonder guys send Allie Hamel so many adoring messages. He never got anything out of it personally, though, other than that. Nothing to actually use.

Until he got some excellent ammunition against a certain accent-bearing prick.

There he was. Thomas Jefferson. On a dating website. Messaging Allie Hamel. Had Alexander left his mouth open any longer, he'd be catching flies. This was remarkable. This was excellent, because it only means one of two things. A), That Thomas Jefferson broke up with the dreadfully gorgeous girl Sally Hemings, or B), Jefferson was cheating on her. Both situations filled Alexander with joy. There he was, feeling things because of Thomas Jefferson again. How could he not, with the messages that Thomas began to send him?

**TJeffs: _Why, Miss Hamel, aren't you the most gorgeous thing to cross my feed today? ;)_**

**TJeffs: _Allie is such a gorgeous name. I'm so glad to have seen you on here today. How has your day been?_**

**AllieCamel: _oh, how sweet :D my day has been absolutely dreadful, but i think that claim will stand corrected once i start talking to you, mister jefferson._**

Jackpot. Alexander almost finds it more than funny that Jefferson didn't recognize Eliza. After all, Jefferson and Angelica did go out for about a month in high school apparently, so surely he would have met Eliza. Maybe not.

**HammyBoy: _o my god o my god o my god_**

**Elizard: _What???_**

**HammyBoy: _guess who fell into the web today_**

**Elizard: _Goodness I hope it's not Angie trying to lecture me through dating sites again._**

**HammyBoy: _try THOMAS JEFFERSONNNN_**

**Elizard: _Oh my lord! That's wonderful! :DDDD_**

**HammyBoy sent a picture**

**HammyBoy: _he thinks ur gorgeous, liza_**

**Elizard: _Who doesn't? :)_**

**HammyBoy: _thats fair. ill keep u updated, k?_**

**Elizard: _Good. This looks very humerous._**

_Ha. Ha. Hahahahaha. Fucking Thomas Jefferson._ Alexander would never get over this, and you know what?

Thomas is never going to live it down when it goes viral.

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to be a super short fic probably lol


End file.
